LOST UPDATE


So a lot has happened on LOST this season! At first I was going to do a basic rundown on episodes and I realized that was a fool's errand so now I've decided that I would just write letters to the power players of the season!

Here we go!

JACK


Dear Jack:
What the Hell!?!? We were totally with you until you decided to sell the entire camp out so that you could go home! I personally thought it was hilarious that Locke "blew up" your ride! Now that you are back in camp and all hugged up with your new ho Juliet, all you do is walk around and act all creepy and secretive. I thought you were hot! You're not hot! What an a-hole! I hope you read this and redeem yourself or we are totally breaking up!
love
J

KATE



Girl!!!
You have really made a mess of things this time, didn't you girl? First off you NEVER FOLLOW DIRECTIONS!!!! You know Jack told you to run away from the others AND NOT COME BACK! What did you do? Ran right back and screwed things up! You done slept with Sawyer!!!! For the record: I would not be surprised if you are pregnant. Oh Yeah! What about this whole "We don't trust Jack so Kate don't tell him about the weird lady that fell from the sky!" What did you do? Ran off and told Jack about her! I am sooooo disappointed in you girl!

I'll write again (in about 9 months).
good luck!
J

SAWYER


Dear Sawyer:

You are a big ole' MESS!!! You have proven yourself to be the island princess this season!

LYLAS
J

PS I think Kate's pregnant!

SUN AND JIN


To SUN:

You gonna die girl! That's what you get for being secretly devious! You let your man think you were a little angel when in fact you are the cause of most of his problems! You are soooo wrong for that! It's a good thing I like you! If I didn't I would totally call the smoke monster on you!

To Jin:

Just a quick note to let you know:
1 your mom was a ho
2 your wife is a ho
3 your body is slammin' so I hope you make it off the island alive!

J

CHARLIE


Dear Charlie:

Second Hobbit to the left always dies!!! Bye Bye Bitch!!!

forever yours
J

LOCKE



Dear Locke:

You are such an effing TOOL!!! All you do is blow shit up and get other people to do your dirty work! What a lame ass. I'm glad you joined the others! Good riddance you big freak! Oh! By the way I bet you anything the others are laughing at you behind your back! Once a looser, always a looser!

J

BEN LINUS

Ben:

If I had a tumor I'd name it Ben Linus.
If Jack removed it I would deliberately grow another one so I could name it Ben Linus II. Could you please just answer a question without turning it into some weird-ass riddle. I adore you but I hate you!

Have a great summer break!
J

DESMOND

Des:

I thought you were annoying in the beginning but now I realize you were just hot and I didn't see it. Time travel always equals HOT. Saving lives....totally hot!
Des, you are the new poo on this island! Jack should just take a big whiff!!!

JULIET



Dearest Juliet:

You are the best thing that has happened to LOST in a long frakkin' time! You are my favorite character and I hope I get to see you kick some more Kate ass! You are a rare combo of beauty, brains and bad ass! I hope the camp doesn't kill you when they find out you have been spying on them for Ben! Just kill his sorry ass girl! You can do it!

All my best
J


HURLEY



You aren't really a power player this season but you did find a van full of beer! Awesome!

J

Where The Hell Have I Been!?!?


I can't believe I haven't written a post since Anna Nicole passed away! What the Hell!? Well I can assure you that I have not been in great mourning over her. I have not been kidnapped by "the others" and I have not been in an accident that destroyed my short term memory. I've actually been really (really) busy. Once again I accepted a few too many jobs and got a little backed up. In the long run things are good with me and now that I have some time on my hands I am back in the blogging saddle.

You will be glad to know that I have still managed to see my favorite television shows! Yay! The next few posts will be all about me talking about them! That should be fun!

First up:
(Click photos to enlarge)

America's Next Top Model
cycle 8


Well what a strange cycle this has been! For the first time in a while the catch up episode was helpful!

We found out that Rene isn't the evil bitch we thought she was in the beginning. Sometimes Mommies can stick it through to the end (hopefully).


We found out Jael just wanted to "spread light" and "touch the grass and the animals and climb the trees". (I want some of whatever she's on.)

Natasha is turning out to be my favorite going into the final four! She has tried the hardest of any girl in any cycle to give the judges what they want.


"Fat" girls should not try to be models because Tyra hates them and she KILLS THEM and eats them all!!!!


Last (but not least) Britney has soul cancer (HEY ANTPodcast!) and it obviously caused her to get hit by a car when she was in high school which caused her to loose her short term memory which is obviously the reason she can't perform the tasks that are required for her to be America's Next Top Model--and that is SOOOO not her fault. (sniff, sniff). Dear Brit: Top models must have excellent short term memory and their soul cancer can't be malignant. DUH.

It's been a long time since I've been able to say this:

BYE BYE BITCH!!!!

and congratulations to the final four:
Natasha, Rene, Dionne and Jaslene


Next post:

LOST and Ugly Betty

Requiem


ANNA NICOLE SMITH
1967-2007

Anna Nicole Smith passed away today. No matter what you may think about her, she went through hard times this past year and it is really sad that she died. They haven't said what the cause of death was yet. I hope that she is happy (wherever she is) and that she has been reunited with her eldest child who passed away this past September.
To wrap it up I would just like to say that I think Anna did the best job she could with her life and this is my way of lighting a candle for her.

America's Next Top Model
Cycle 8


"It's Not Just Fierce It's Ferocious"

How excited am I!?!?! I can't believe it is time for another Top Model already! As usual I will be giving my impressions of our finalists. Keep in mind these impressions are completely based on their photos and the little blurbs on their portfolio pages.

Rene
I think she is defiantly the prettiest girl (in a very conventional way). I think she also took one of the best shots pre show. I worry that she is a stay at home mom. They are usually the ones who freak out and end up loosing.

Jael
I will end up either LOVING this girl or HATING her. There will be no in between. She manages bands...is that another word for groupie???

Whitney
I hate to ask...is she a plus size model? She will have to step up her game if she is. Her face in this shot sort of sux...dead eyes. I wonder if Tyra will keep her around because of her new found weight crusade???

SamanthaSamantha is my favorite going into the competition. I love her photo and I hope she rocks it out on the show. I like her look..it's very southern. I'm very southern...it's a match made in heaven. Hope she doesn't turn out to be the girl with no self esteem.

Sarah
She looks like a weeper.

JasleneLooks like a bitch. Not a fun bitch...a cocky bEEEtch...

KathleenWasn't she on a few seasons ago? She could be awesome...she needs to learn her angles though!

NatashaCaridee won last time...she looks like a heavy set Caridee...probably won't happen...Do you think she got wind because she rocked or because she sucked?

Brittany
Very understated. I like her...She needs new hair! She's my second favorite.

Cassandra
What the hell??? First to go home...

Diana
Big girl with attitude. She will either suck the life out of everyone around her or she'll be cool. She's my third favorite...maybe.

DionneWho?

Felicia

Booooooooring!

Tyra
What she trying to cover up!?!? I think this cycle is going to be all about Tyra showing the world that big is beautiful! Don't be surprised if we get out first plus sized winner!
I guess we will see what happens on Feb. 28th! Be there and find out if any of my guesses are right!


More later!

REMEMBER WHEN...

Tyra Banks threw a big ole' fit on America's Next Top Model!?!? I really think an actor should turn this into an audition monologue! Brilliant!!!

ANTM
Cycle 1


The Girl Who Becomes America's Next Top Model

So this is it Y'all! Our very first Top Model winner! I love this episode because one of the biggest shock eliminations happens. I swear I never saw it coming! I won't tell you anymore! Watch it and ENJOY!!!!

ANTM
Cycle 1


The Girls Who Get Really Naked

I love this episode because it marks the first time you see a girls tell Tyra and the gang "NO". I also like the fact that Mr J is featured in this episode. I ALSO like the ongoing war between the Christians and the Pagans! Tons of fun!!! Enjoy!!!

Tranny McGuyver

Thanks to America's Next Top Podcast (what up IBFF!!!!) and Kiki I have been introduced to my new frackin' favorite bitch ever!!!! You have to watch this one guys, it's way tooo funny to pass up!

As if I needed any help...

I found this link on Tim's blog "I Like Shiny Things"... here is my random resolution:

In the year 2007 I resolve to: To be a bitch. Get your resolution here.

Check it out! It's fun!

ANTM
Cycle 1


The Girl Who Deals With A Pervert!!!

This was the first time the 6 finalist were ever taken out of the country! I love the bedroom drama between the Christians and the Pagans!!! I think I might have done the same thing that Robin did during the go see competition...i think it was a smart move! This stuff is too much fun! I'm back from Memphis now so the Blog will be a little more frequent! Have fun!!!

ANTM
Cycle 1


The Girl Who Everyone Thinks Is Killing Herself

I love this episode! It has everything! It's scandalous! It's touching! It's Awesome! It's scary! It's Tyra!!!

Happy Holidays everyone! Have fun!!!

ANTM
cycle 1

episode 4
The Girl Who Drives Everyone Crazy

Well our happy models are at it again! Who is the one girl who drives the rest crazy? I bet you'll never guess...

ANTM
cycle 1

"The Girl who gets Rushed to the Emergency Room"
Episode 3

Here is the latest episode of cycle 1! Check out that Mr Jay with his real hair color...oh how I long for the days when he was just the make up guy...sigh

Enjoy! I will post Episode 4 soon!

ANTM
C ycle 1
"The Girls is here to Win!"

Episode 2

We find out a little more about what these girls are really like! Keep an eye on that Elyse and Robin! What about that prayer circle!?!? Sweet!!! I love classic ANTM!!!

Enjoy!!!!

AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL
CONGRATULATIONS CARIDEE!!!


Eugena was the first to go when the girls had to do a Cover Girl commercial and photo shoot on the finale of ANTM. The girls all showed up and they had to do the typical commercial/shoot that they do every year. It's basically blatant product placement for some random Cover Girl product.


The girls did well. Eugena was surprisingly good and Caridee rocked the casbah. Smellrose bit the big one though. It was great to see another Smellrose melt down. My girl has some serious issues!


The next day they had elimination. By all practical purposes this should have been Smellrose's swan song...her photo sucked and her commercial seemed forced. The judges took pity on her and canned Eugena. I have to say I was shocked. I loved how Caridee whispered to Eugena before she walked away that she would not let Smellrose win! Tooooo funny! This is the first time in Top Model history that two blond girls were in the final two.


Now we were down to the final two: Caridee and Smellrose. They were taken to their last challenge. It was a runway show. I need to take a moment to bitch. Last cycle they had the weird runway show that seemed completely faux. This year the show seemed like it might be cool but it wasn't. It was so incredibly lame that I almost had to turn it off.
The girls were dressed up in bridal wear and in the end they had to run around like ghost brides screaming and looking all crazy. Whatever Tyra. What was up with Ms J making a weird appearance in the show? Sometimes I think Tyra and the Judges all get stoned and watch these runway shows so they can laugh their asses off at the dumb ass models!


Caridee went way over the top and "accidentally" stepped on Smelrose's gown. She ripped it and Smellrose threw a big ole hissy fit. Truth be told, Smellrose was the better girl at the runway show. I have to say I started to get really nervous!


The judges did their final panel and pretty much told Caridee her performance sucked the big one. Smellrose was complimented but told that she sucked on the Cover Girl shoot. Whatever was going to happen!?!?!



In the End Caridee won and Smellrose was absolutely crushed. He He He.

Now for the final fun part of cycle 7:

Best Photo:

Caridee

Well, she won! I was pretty happy about that!

Most Improved:

Eugena

Look at the photo at the beginning of this blog and look at this one. Eugena was the most improved of all the girls...I almost like this photo better than Caridee's!

Annoying Bitch of the Week:

Smellrose

Smellrose reclaimed the title! She showed that she is fully capable of throwing a hissy fit at the drop of an eyelash! WHATEVER GIRL!!! Go to therapy...

Well everyone it was fun....waaaay fun and I am pleased to tell you that in addition to posting the episodes of Cycle 1 of ANTM I will also be "bye bye bitching" about the CW's hiatus replacement Britain's Next Top Model! There are two two-hour specials on the 13th and the 20th that sum up cycle 1 and cycle 2. Yay!
See you here next week!