Bye Bye Bitches!!!
pt 1
America's Next Top Model
Cycle 9
Tonight was the first episode of ANTM! Though I was pissed that the premier was only an hour long, it was pretty damned good.
The show opened with Tyra calling the semi final girls and telling them they were going to go to the Caribbean! AAAHHHH! (That was the general reaction.)
They get off the plane and get onto a cruise ship where they will be doing their final auditions. We meet all the semi finalist and (as usual) there was a lot of "I AM America's Next Top Model!" Yawn. Those girls never make it past the semi-finals.
When we finally got to the actual auditions there were a few surprises. My favorite was Heather, who immediately put her foot in her mouth! She walks in and says, "Hello pretty ladies...and Tyra!" Hilarious! Mr and Ms Jay were horrified! Turns out that she has some sort of disorder that makes her mildly autistic! Yay! She's socially awkward and sort of retarded in a round about way. I love it!
Chantal was pretty impressive. I ripped her apart (Heather too) in my preshow post, then the bitch turned around and rocked it! She had a lot of fashion knowledge and a pretty good walk. It was a battle of the sob stories between Lisa and Marvita. Marvita was raped. molested, beaten and passed around from family to family as a child. Lisa was in six different foster homes and grew up to be an exotic dancer that shows no nudity (yeah right). In the end, Lisa was a prettier cryer so she made the cut.
They did a photo shoot on the beach and met last years winner Jaslene. Speaking of Jaslene: Her "My life as a Cover Girl" ad was pretty good. She no longer does her weird eyebrow thing when she talks, but she still sounds like a retarded dolphin.
In the end thirteen girls were picked...and you already know who they are so on to the fun stuff:
Photo of the Week:
Tyra Banks
Well, it was pretty much the only choice, so Tyra wins. She looks scary!
Most Impressive:
Chantal
She knows fashion, she can walk and she has ambition. I was impressed!
Most Likely To Have A Breakdown:
Heather
She's mildly autistic and in the preview for next week it looked like the other girls were being mean to her. Hate to break it to the others but I think she will go far in this competition. She's my early pick to win!
Most Fun:
Sarah and Janet
Sarah is the fat girl and Janet is the girl from a really small town. I picked them because Sarah came in to her audition with something in her nose and because Janet did a pretend bikini wax on Tyra.
Most Aggravating:
Lisa and Victoria
Lisa is the most annoying person to me this season. She walked in whining and I suspect she will whine her way to the final five. Her voice gives me shingles.
Victoria is the "I auditioned as a joke" girl. When she gets over that I will like her more. She reminds me of Millie from Freaks and Geeks.
Most Freakishly Happy:
Mila
She was one of the only girls that didn't take the "have a breakdown for Tyra" bait. She's bubbly and happy all the time. I may hate her.
Annoying Bitch Of The Week:
Ebony
She's definitely the villain of the season...but watch out! ANTM is notorious for letting us believe a girl is the bad guy and then revealing the bad guy later in the cycle! Best example of this would be Monique in cycle 7 who we thought was the big bad! Turns out it was really Smellrose!!!!
Hope you all enjoyed the first episode! More next week!
pt 1
America's Next Top Model
Cycle 9
Tonight was the first episode of ANTM! Though I was pissed that the premier was only an hour long, it was pretty damned good.
The show opened with Tyra calling the semi final girls and telling them they were going to go to the Caribbean! AAAHHHH! (That was the general reaction.)
They get off the plane and get onto a cruise ship where they will be doing their final auditions. We meet all the semi finalist and (as usual) there was a lot of "I AM America's Next Top Model!" Yawn. Those girls never make it past the semi-finals.
When we finally got to the actual auditions there were a few surprises. My favorite was Heather, who immediately put her foot in her mouth! She walks in and says, "Hello pretty ladies...and Tyra!" Hilarious! Mr and Ms Jay were horrified! Turns out that she has some sort of disorder that makes her mildly autistic! Yay! She's socially awkward and sort of retarded in a round about way. I love it!
Chantal was pretty impressive. I ripped her apart (Heather too) in my preshow post, then the bitch turned around and rocked it! She had a lot of fashion knowledge and a pretty good walk. It was a battle of the sob stories between Lisa and Marvita. Marvita was raped. molested, beaten and passed around from family to family as a child. Lisa was in six different foster homes and grew up to be an exotic dancer that shows no nudity (yeah right). In the end, Lisa was a prettier cryer so she made the cut.
They did a photo shoot on the beach and met last years winner Jaslene. Speaking of Jaslene: Her "My life as a Cover Girl" ad was pretty good. She no longer does her weird eyebrow thing when she talks, but she still sounds like a retarded dolphin.
In the end thirteen girls were picked...and you already know who they are so on to the fun stuff:
Photo of the Week:
Tyra Banks
Well, it was pretty much the only choice, so Tyra wins. She looks scary!Most Impressive:
Chantal
She knows fashion, she can walk and she has ambition. I was impressed!
Most Likely To Have A Breakdown:
Heather
She's mildly autistic and in the preview for next week it looked like the other girls were being mean to her. Hate to break it to the others but I think she will go far in this competition. She's my early pick to win!Most Fun:
Sarah and Janet
Sarah is the fat girl and Janet is the girl from a really small town. I picked them because Sarah came in to her audition with something in her nose and because Janet did a pretend bikini wax on Tyra.
Most Aggravating:
Lisa and Victoria
Lisa is the most annoying person to me this season. She walked in whining and I suspect she will whine her way to the final five. Her voice gives me shingles.
Victoria is the "I auditioned as a joke" girl. When she gets over that I will like her more. She reminds me of Millie from Freaks and Geeks.
Most Freakishly Happy:
Mila
She was one of the only girls that didn't take the "have a breakdown for Tyra" bait. She's bubbly and happy all the time. I may hate her.Annoying Bitch Of The Week:
Ebony
She's definitely the villain of the season...but watch out! ANTM is notorious for letting us believe a girl is the bad guy and then revealing the bad guy later in the cycle! Best example of this would be Monique in cycle 7 who we thought was the big bad! Turns out it was really Smellrose!!!!
Hope you all enjoyed the first episode! More next week!
2 comments:
Hey Jason!
Happy Birthday, and congrats on turning 27!
I have watched, and I agree. I hate Lisa. The crying thing while waiting to see if she was picked... Fuck that. Tyra needs to send her to whiney camp and make her eat cry cookies.
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