Monday, December 25, 2006

Cycle 1

The Girl Who Everyone Thinks Is Killing Herself

I love this episode! It has everything! It's scandalous! It's touching! It's Awesome! It's scary! It's Tyra!!!

Happy Holidays everyone! Have fun!!!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

cycle 1

episode 4
The Girl Who Drives Everyone Crazy

Well our happy models are at it again! Who is the one girl who drives the rest crazy? I bet you'll never guess...

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

cycle 1

"The Girl who gets Rushed to the Emergency Room"
Episode 3

Here is the latest episode of cycle 1! Check out that Mr Jay with his real hair color...oh how I long for the days when he was just the make up guy...sigh

Enjoy! I will post Episode 4 soon!

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

C ycle 1
"The Girls is here to Win!"

Episode 2

We find out a little more about what these girls are really like! Keep an eye on that Elyse and Robin! What about that prayer circle!?!? Sweet!!! I love classic ANTM!!!


Monday, December 11, 2006


Eugena was the first to go when the girls had to do a Cover Girl commercial and photo shoot on the finale of ANTM. The girls all showed up and they had to do the typical commercial/shoot that they do every year. It's basically blatant product placement for some random Cover Girl product.

The girls did well. Eugena was surprisingly good and Caridee rocked the casbah. Smellrose bit the big one though. It was great to see another Smellrose melt down. My girl has some serious issues!

The next day they had elimination. By all practical purposes this should have been Smellrose's swan song...her photo sucked and her commercial seemed forced. The judges took pity on her and canned Eugena. I have to say I was shocked. I loved how Caridee whispered to Eugena before she walked away that she would not let Smellrose win! Tooooo funny! This is the first time in Top Model history that two blond girls were in the final two.

Now we were down to the final two: Caridee and Smellrose. They were taken to their last challenge. It was a runway show. I need to take a moment to bitch. Last cycle they had the weird runway show that seemed completely faux. This year the show seemed like it might be cool but it wasn't. It was so incredibly lame that I almost had to turn it off.
The girls were dressed up in bridal wear and in the end they had to run around like ghost brides screaming and looking all crazy. Whatever Tyra. What was up with Ms J making a weird appearance in the show? Sometimes I think Tyra and the Judges all get stoned and watch these runway shows so they can laugh their asses off at the dumb ass models!

Caridee went way over the top and "accidentally" stepped on Smelrose's gown. She ripped it and Smellrose threw a big ole hissy fit. Truth be told, Smellrose was the better girl at the runway show. I have to say I started to get really nervous!

The judges did their final panel and pretty much told Caridee her performance sucked the big one. Smellrose was complimented but told that she sucked on the Cover Girl shoot. Whatever was going to happen!?!?!

In the End Caridee won and Smellrose was absolutely crushed. He He He.

Now for the final fun part of cycle 7:

Best Photo:


Well, she won! I was pretty happy about that!

Most Improved:


Look at the photo at the beginning of this blog and look at this one. Eugena was the most improved of all the girls...I almost like this photo better than Caridee's!

Annoying Bitch of the Week:


Smellrose reclaimed the title! She showed that she is fully capable of throwing a hissy fit at the drop of an eyelash! WHATEVER GIRL!!! Go to therapy...

Well everyone it was fun....waaaay fun and I am pleased to tell you that in addition to posting the episodes of Cycle 1 of ANTM I will also be "bye bye bitching" about the CW's hiatus replacement Britain's Next Top Model! There are two two-hour specials on the 13th and the 20th that sum up cycle 1 and cycle 2. Yay!
See you here next week!

Sunday, December 10, 2006

America's Next Top Model
Cycle 1
The Girl Who Wants It Bad

I promise I'm going to post the finale of Cycle 7 soon, but in the meantime I thought I would give you a blast from the past by showing you episodes from the very first season! Too much fun right!?!?
I would like to thank chocolatealmonds for posting these in the first place!
This retro look at Tyra is dedicated to Amy (IBFF), Megan and Elizabeth! You three give me great pleasure because you share my love of this show!
On to episode 1 of Cycle 1:

Please feel free to leave comments about the show...but please make sure to remain spoiler free for the readers who have never seen it before!

Monday, December 04, 2006

Bye Bye Bitch!!! pt 10

Amanda was the last girl before the finale to be sent home! I have to say I definitely did not agree with this decision. Whatever. My opinion officially doesn't count so on to the recap!

The big reward competition was Flamenco Dancing. The girls were taught how to dance by their partners on one day and then they had to perform in front of an audience the next. Amanda was pretty much crapping her panties because she knew she was awkward. Smellrose was confident and velociraptor-like the whole time. Eugena was playing her role as catty bitch to the hilt and Caridee was...well...she was Caridee...

The actual dancing sort of sucked but Amanda practiced a lot the night before so she didn't suck too bad. Smellrose bit the big one. She screwed up one of the first steps and just sort of never recovered. Eugena (who was a dancer when she was younger) did well and Caridee did fine...not anything to write home about.

Eugena won the competition and she chose Amanda to be her co-rewardee. They got some was a little lame. The best part of the whole dancing excersize was Smellrose freaking out because she didn't win. She had a total was awesome.

The photo shoot was interesting this week. The girls were divided into pairs (Eugena/Smellrose and Amanda/Caridee). They got flowy dresses and extentions and were told to float on their backs in a pool. They were supposed to look like water nymphs.

Eugena and Smellrose were first and Eugena sucked as usual. I guess it didn't help that Smellrose and Eugena hate each other! They got through the shoot just fine but complained about the freezing water a lot.

Caridee and Amanda did really well---except for the fact that Caridee had to be removed from the pool because she was starting to develop hypothermia!!! It was sooooo funny! She was shaking so hard! Props to Amanda for letting them take photos of her alone!

The judge's panel was confusing and pretty much LAME. Whatever Tyra! She tried to show the girls how to dance and totally lost her shoe! Priceless! I do not understand how they kept Ewwwgena over Amanda!?! What the Hell? Let the photos speak for themselves!

Cover Girl of the Week:


Best Photo:

Amanda and Caridee

Sorry 'bout it! They were the best ones. I really think Amanda's shot puts Ewwwgena's to shame. I just don't get it....

Most Improved:

Ms J

Props to Ms J for looking at Tyra like she was crazy (when she asked him to dance with her).

Annoying Bitch of the Week:

Tyra Banks

Dear Tyra:
What is up with you this season? I adore you and hope that you will snap the Hell out of whatever childhood trauma you are reliving. Stop freaking the Hell out in panel and mellow girl...mellooooow...


Sunday, November 26, 2006

BYE BYE BITCHES!!! parts 8 and 9

So due to my work schedule we are gonna have to kill two birds with one stone! Last week Masculinda was kicked off the show. Her elimination was about as interesting as her tenure in the world of Top Model. For that reason I will not bother with a long drawn out explanation of what went on in that episode. This week lesbionic model Michelle was kicked to the curb!

A few points from last weeks episode that should catch you up:

*The models did and acting competition and Caridee won it
*Tyra informed the remaining girls they would be travelling to Barcelona, Spain this year.
*Caridee totally screwed up their commercial challenge and almost got her ass kicked off the show.
*Jaeda is sent home a few days after she makes it to Spain!

This week was a little more interesting. The big challenge of the week was the infamous "go see" challenge. The girls were given a set amount of time and a list of ten designers to interview with. They all did OK except for Michelle and Amanda. They pretty much sucked at this competition. Of course Smellrose won it in the end and rubbed it in everyone else's face. These girls are starting to seriously hate that girl!

The big photo shoot of the week was with Mr Nigel Barker. It was set in a bull ring. It was pretty funny when Mr Jay came out in a bull fighter's costume. He looked super swishy! All was well at the bull ring until Caridee opened her stupid mouth. Nigel was holding this stick. I think it was a prop of some sort. Caridee looks at Nigel and says, "Did you get that from your ass after the last Panel?"

What a DUMB ASS!!! What was she thinking??? I really have no clue. Nigel was offended. She spent the rest of the day trying to make up for it. Her shoot kind of sucked because of all her worrying.

Unfortunately there were no tragedies with the bull. I was really looking forward to one. I KNOW they could have sacrificed a model for my amusement. Don't let me down like that again Tyra.

Panel was awkward and tense. Caridee wrote an apology letter to Nigel and the other judges. It was sort of lame but it probably kept her in the game. Smellrose did well (as usual). I just don't understand why they thought her photo was so good. She looked like a moose dressed in drag. The big shocker was Amanda. For some reason the judges just sort of fixated on her and it was very evident she was going to be in the bottom two. I really didn't get it. I thought her photo was way better than Smellrose's.

The girls were all asked to say who they thought was good enough to win the competition AND who they thought sucked. A lot of girls said Amanda which pretty much sealed her fate in the bottom two. When it was Michelle's turn she totally said that she thought of herself as the weakest link amongst them. I have to say that I thought it was very evident that she was throwing herself under the bus so that Amanda could stay in the game. I'm glad that Tyra recognized that too.
In the end it came down to the twins and Michelle was sent home.

Now for the fun part:

Cover Girl of the Week:


Once again Caridee is America's favorite. I suspect the producers of ANTM are making us think that Caridee is going home soon so that we won't realize that she is the only choice left to win the competition. Hey producers! We aren't stupid!

Best Photo:

Tyra Banks the bull...

Most Improved:


Eugena has never been my favorite person this cycle. I have to admit that she is turning it out now that we are at the end! I would not be surprised to find her in the final three!

Annoying Bitch of the Week:


I don't get pretty much have this competition won already...why are you freaking out at the last minute!?!? Mellow the fuck out Caridee! You got this girl!

Monday, November 13, 2006

Bye Bye Bitch!!! pt 7

After changing from really cool girl to really annoying beeotch, Anchal was eliminated from America's Next Top Model. I was such a huge fan of hers but she really just sort of sucked at the end. Unfortunately the "fat" girls are always the ones that loose every bit of personality right before the big trip abroad. Because Anchal had the life sucked out of her by Smellrose and the other girls she will not be able to go to Spain (I'm guessing that will be the trip destination).

The episode started off good enough. Brooke is being missed by all the girls and they sit around with an guitar and sing. It was actually sort of annoying. The first challenge of the week was to get into bikinis and learn how to take action shots. It was hosted by Model/athlete Gabrielle Reece. They all pretty much sucked at it but for some reason Anchal became the whiniest bitch on earth. I don't get it at all.

Back at home Smellrose and Anchal have it out one more time. Smellrose says Anchal is childish and that she has no respect for other people in the house. Anchal says that she is going to have to slap that ho down. It was a great Top Model moment.

Next challenge has to do with action shots again. The meet James St John and race car driver Stanton Barret at a race track. They are supposed to attack the hot race car driver and take a photo of themselves while doing it. It was a very Survivor like task: Waaaaay too complicated!

Most of the girls were ok (but kinda sucky) and Michelle got on top of the guys car and punctured it with her high heel. Masculinda looked like the scariest bitch ever. I thought she was gonna eat his face off! The best part of this competition is that James St John was sooo obviously fucked up the entire time. I want some of what he's having!

Michelle wins the competition. She gets to choose 3 girls to go with her on a shopping spree. She chose CariDee, Amanda, and Smellrose. Be careful to notice that all the women of color were left out. I don't think this was intentional but it was pretty funny. Anchal, Eugena and Masculinda were totally the ugly step sisters sitting on the side lines. Bitter!!!

The funniest part of the whole thing was that the white girls all had to compete against each other. Whoever picked the most clothes got to keep ALL the clothes (even Michelle's). What a crappy competition to win! Smellrose won. The girls were bitter. Smellrose didn't even share! What a skank!

The final photo shoot was set inside a training facility for sky divers. The models were supposed to look like they were floating in space. This was probably the worst set of photos I have ever seen on the show. They all pretty much looked lame.

Panel was fun because this week they had a task. They each got different adjectives and verbs they had to interpret through movement. Most of the girls were lackluster at best. The stand out was Caridee who had to "hide dizzily". She was sooo funny. I like her even more now! It is funny that she annoyed me so much in the beginning!

In the end it came down to Anchal and Michelle. Anchal left and when she hugged Smellrose goodbye she said, "I still hate you." Smellrose said, "I hate you too." Then Achal blew it by saying she was just kidding. Whatever! Anchal really let me down this time.

It's time for the fun part!

Cover girl of the week


Caridee did it again...she is my fave to win..I hope she does!

photo of the week


I don't care what the judges say...I liked this shot the best!

most improved

She get's better and better...those bitches better watch out!

Why is this Bitch still in the game?

I just don't get it...step it up Eugena!

annoying bitch of the week


You let me down girl! You deserved to go...

More later this week!

Sunday, November 12, 2006

More Filler!

OK so here is another "Kelly" video to tide you over till Tuesday:

Friday, November 10, 2006


So I suck! I've just moved across the country and am trying to catch up with all the shows I blog about! I promise that I will do that ASAP. Be on the lookout for a three episode catch up of LOST, the next installment of "Bye Bye Bitch" for Survivor and ANTM, and a new episode of Australia's Next Top Model. They will probably come over the next three or four days!

In the meantime:

This was first brought to my attention by my friend Katie. Recently I started a new job and the people I work with were all crouched around a computer watching this. I decided that means you should all see it too:

Friday, October 27, 2006

Bye Bye Bitch!!! pt6

What the Hell is going on!?! They chose to eliminate Brooke over Jaeda (or as Amy from ANTpodcast calls her: Masculinda)!!! I don't get it. Masculinda's Tyra shot was good but her Fabio shot sucked some nasty ass! I'm getting ahead of myself...let's just start from the beginning...

We find out that Brooke has missed her Prom to be on the show and now she will be missing her high school graduation. Her mama sent her a tacky gift box full of cheezy graduation crap as a consolation prize. I don't know about all of you but I was happy to skip out on graduation. Brooke: You're not missing anything! The cheezy stuff in the box was a really sweet gesture so props to Brooke's mom!

This week the girls learned how to be sexy. But first Tyra showed up at the house and did her annual photo shoot. For those of you that don't know: Each season Tyra takes the girls and pretends to be a photographer. Her shots are always really nice. They are usually "edgy" black and white beauty shots of the girls. She usually smears Vaseline on them or makes them cry. This time she put these wicked eye contacts on them and had them be all harpie-esque.
Some of the girls rocked. My personal favorites were Eugena, Caridee, Michelle and Amanda.

So back to the sexy! The girls were trained by a drag queen and a burlesque queen in the art of tasteful sexiness. I found most of the girls to just be awkward or slutty. Smellrose kind of rocked the casba once again. Later the girls had to do a table dance/ runway show at this dinner for important fashion people. They felt Smellrose did the best job so she got to do a photo shoot for Seventeen Magazine. She chose Brooke and the twins to go with her and they all got to be photographed.

The photo shoot was all about romance covers! The girls were supposed to be the heroines of the cover and the Hero was going to guessed it...Fabio! Did anyone notice that Fabio is straight up looking old now? It was pretty funny. Most of the girls did ok (except for Eugena, Michelle and Masculinda). I wanted to bust Masculinda in the face most of the evening.

I would like to take a moment to tell you how Mr Jay is the most annoying person ever. Who the Hell does he think he is? I liked him much better when he was just the make up artist on the show. I find his behavior on set to be immature and (frankly) he seems a little learning disabled! His hair has gone way beyond bleached's so blond it looks blue. Jay: Please stop using a blue or violet toner in your hair! It looks really retarded. You are beginning to look like that creepy next door neighbor lady from Something About Mary!

By the way: Nigel Barker is effing HOT (at any age)!

This panel is one of the most bitchy of the series in my opinion. Masculinda wasn't in the bottom two (first mistake) and when it came down to Brooke vs Michelle, well you just knew Brooke was done for. I felt bad for her. I knew she would never actually win the competition, but she deserved to stay longer than Masculinda.

Now on to the fun stuff:

I wish The CW had posted Tyra's photos, but they didn't. The best photo should be one of those. I guess I'll just make due with what I have. I will have to just judge based on the Fabio shoot.

America's Cover Girl of the Week


Caridee finally won this and I think she deserves it. She is probably the most likable person on the show. I wouldn't be surprised if she wins next week too!

Best Photo


I'm giving this to her because of her Tyra shot. It was fantastic! This Fabio shot was nice and different from everything she has done till now. If I find the Tyra shot I will replace it (or maybe add it).

Most Improved


I think she may end up passing her sister by! This is the second week in a row that Amanda's name was called before Michelle's...the tide may be changing!

Annoying Bitch of the Week


Dear Masculinda:

I can't stand you. Your man shoulders make me barf, but they are nothing compared to your attitude. You need to realize that bitching about your hair is annoying. What's done is done. Move the Hell on...and off my TV.