LOST UPDATE
So a lot has happened on LOST this season! At first I was going to do a basic rundown on episodes and I realized that was a fool's errand so now I've decided that I would just write letters to the power players of the season!
Here we go!
JACK
Dear Jack:
What the Hell!?!? We were totally with you until you decided to sell the entire camp out so that you could go home! I personally thought it was hilarious that Locke "blew up" your ride! Now that you are back in camp and all hugged up with your new ho Juliet, all you do is walk around and act all creepy and secretive. I thought you were hot! You're not hot! What an a-hole! I hope you read this and redeem yourself or we are totally breaking up!
love
J
KATE
Girl!!!
You have really made a mess of things this time, didn't you girl? First off you NEVER FOLLOW DIRECTIONS!!!! You know Jack told you to run away from the others AND NOT COME BACK! What did you do? Ran right back and screwed things up! You done slept with Sawyer!!!! For the record: I would not be surprised if you are pregnant. Oh Yeah! What about this whole "We don't trust Jack so Kate don't tell him about the weird lady that fell from the sky!" What did you do? Ran off and told Jack about her! I am sooooo disappointed in you girl!
I'll write again (in about 9 months).
good luck!
J
SAWYER
Dear Sawyer:
You are a big ole' MESS!!! You have proven yourself to be the island princess this season!
LYLAS
J
PS I think Kate's pregnant!
SUN AND JIN
To SUN:
You gonna die girl! That's what you get for being secretly devious! You let your man think you were a little angel when in fact you are the cause of most of his problems! You are soooo wrong for that! It's a good thing I like you! If I didn't I would totally call the smoke monster on you!
To Jin:
Just a quick note to let you know:
1 your mom was a ho
2 your wife is a ho
3 your body is slammin' so I hope you make it off the island alive!
J
CHARLIE
Dear Charlie:
Second Hobbit to the left always dies!!! Bye Bye Bitch!!!
forever yours
J
LOCKE
Dear Locke:
You are such an effing TOOL!!! All you do is blow shit up and get other people to do your dirty work! What a lame ass. I'm glad you joined the others! Good riddance you big freak! Oh! By the way I bet you anything the others are laughing at you behind your back! Once a looser, always a looser!
J
BEN LINUS
Ben:
If I had a tumor I'd name it Ben Linus.
If Jack removed it I would deliberately grow another one so I could name it Ben Linus II. Could you please just answer a question without turning it into some weird-ass riddle. I adore you but I hate you!
Have a great summer break!
J
DESMOND
Des:
I thought you were annoying in the beginning but now I realize you were just hot and I didn't see it. Time travel always equals HOT. Saving lives....totally hot!
Des, you are the new poo on this island! Jack should just take a big whiff!!!
JULIET
Dearest Juliet:
You are the best thing that has happened to LOST in a long frakkin' time! You are my favorite character and I hope I get to see you kick some more Kate ass! You are a rare combo of beauty, brains and bad ass! I hope the camp doesn't kill you when they find out you have been spying on them for Ben! Just kill his sorry ass girl! You can do it!
All my best
J
HURLEY
You aren't really a power player this season but you did find a van full of beer! Awesome!
J
So a lot has happened on LOST this season! At first I was going to do a basic rundown on episodes and I realized that was a fool's errand so now I've decided that I would just write letters to the power players of the season!
Here we go!
JACK
Dear Jack:
What the Hell!?!? We were totally with you until you decided to sell the entire camp out so that you could go home! I personally thought it was hilarious that Locke "blew up" your ride! Now that you are back in camp and all hugged up with your new ho Juliet, all you do is walk around and act all creepy and secretive. I thought you were hot! You're not hot! What an a-hole! I hope you read this and redeem yourself or we are totally breaking up!
love
J
KATE
Girl!!!
You have really made a mess of things this time, didn't you girl? First off you NEVER FOLLOW DIRECTIONS!!!! You know Jack told you to run away from the others AND NOT COME BACK! What did you do? Ran right back and screwed things up! You done slept with Sawyer!!!! For the record: I would not be surprised if you are pregnant. Oh Yeah! What about this whole "We don't trust Jack so Kate don't tell him about the weird lady that fell from the sky!" What did you do? Ran off and told Jack about her! I am sooooo disappointed in you girl!
I'll write again (in about 9 months).
good luck!
J
SAWYER
Dear Sawyer:
You are a big ole' MESS!!! You have proven yourself to be the island princess this season!
LYLAS
J
PS I think Kate's pregnant!
SUN AND JIN
To SUN:
You gonna die girl! That's what you get for being secretly devious! You let your man think you were a little angel when in fact you are the cause of most of his problems! You are soooo wrong for that! It's a good thing I like you! If I didn't I would totally call the smoke monster on you!
To Jin:
Just a quick note to let you know:
1 your mom was a ho
2 your wife is a ho
3 your body is slammin' so I hope you make it off the island alive!
J
CHARLIE
Dear Charlie:
Second Hobbit to the left always dies!!! Bye Bye Bitch!!!
forever yours
J
LOCKE
Dear Locke:
You are such an effing TOOL!!! All you do is blow shit up and get other people to do your dirty work! What a lame ass. I'm glad you joined the others! Good riddance you big freak! Oh! By the way I bet you anything the others are laughing at you behind your back! Once a looser, always a looser!
J
BEN LINUS
Ben:If I had a tumor I'd name it Ben Linus.
If Jack removed it I would deliberately grow another one so I could name it Ben Linus II. Could you please just answer a question without turning it into some weird-ass riddle. I adore you but I hate you!
Have a great summer break!
J
DESMOND
Des:
I thought you were annoying in the beginning but now I realize you were just hot and I didn't see it. Time travel always equals HOT. Saving lives....totally hot!
Des, you are the new poo on this island! Jack should just take a big whiff!!!
JULIET
Dearest Juliet:
You are the best thing that has happened to LOST in a long frakkin' time! You are my favorite character and I hope I get to see you kick some more Kate ass! You are a rare combo of beauty, brains and bad ass! I hope the camp doesn't kill you when they find out you have been spying on them for Ben! Just kill his sorry ass girl! You can do it!
All my best
J
HURLEY
You aren't really a power player this season but you did find a van full of beer! Awesome!
J
1 comment:
Hi! I just wanted to say that it was great to meet you at last this weekend and I'm sorry for my obnoxious comment about smoking. Best of luck with your show(s) and I hope June treats you a hell of a lot better.
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